|On the surface you appear to see moments of contentment|
The trip was fantastic, and if you follow me on one or more of my social media spaces, you likely saw me smiling and content. What you didn't see was what was the storm roiling beneath the surface.
The day before we left for our trip I had a panic attack. And a few days before that I had one, too. And a few weeks before that.
They seem to be coming more frequently these days. And it wasn't until recently that I realized that I actually am struggling with anxiety.
For the longest time I thought I was just an overly-emotional, irrational person. I had no idea that what I had actually had a name. Inspired by my brave friends who have shared their own struggles with anxiety and depression, like Nick Provenzano who helped spur the #semicolonEDU conversation, I have decided it's time to share mine.
As I said before, it wasn't until recently that I even realized that I battle with anxiety, but now that I am aware of it, I aim to seek help for it. I am starting to see the correlation between the digestive ailments I've had for so many years and the worsening of my anxiety.
So for those of you out there like me who might not know that your battle is something you can seek help for, here are some of the little ways anxiety manifests in my daily life:
- Feeling tense when strangers walk behind me or beside me on the street
- Stuttering/stumbling over my words or talking really fast
- Not talking at all -- needing to be quiet even when people ask me questions
- Hypersensitivity to noise and crowds of people
- The need to get somewhere RIGHT NOW for fear of ________ <-- Insert illogical thought here
- Feeling the need to get home after eating out of fear my digestive system wreaks havoc on me in a public place
|Working on owning up to those other, less flattering emotions|